As I was digging deep into hyperlinks from a friend's blog...I stumbled upon an entry that very well could have been someone writing MY heart. Here it is...
I was asked what i want to do .. like really do do ... I don't know what I want to do. Some people find something they like to do, while others are always searching. I think I have gotten so used to letting life make my decisions, its about time I made my decisions. Just me and God.
Father, its easier to let life decide for me. to let my life go by without seriously thinking about what I am created for. My purpose. Isn't that what I am searching for. I mean Im pretty sure I even make little decisions off of what others would think of me if I made that decision. Thing is I don't think I have enough in me to deal with the issue that is deep down and start making decisions for myself.
Basically I told the whole xanga world Im weak. Im not really embarassed by being weak because if you are honest with yourself... you are also weak. I am not a god. I never claimed to be a god. But I admit I live my life as if I am a god. The god of my life. The one with all the good ideas and plans. OUCH. I bet that doesn't sit well with God.
So my point to this post. There is no point.
Well, maybe my point is that I need to find my heart and JUMP. The child in me doesn't want to grow up and the adult in me wants to stop being a child.
It's not that I don't like my life. I really do. My husband is awesome. God has really blessed us and we get to SEE the blessings. But the root is still there...I am weak. A people-pleaser. Not very confident. Just longing for God to show His heart for me, and see me blossom.
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